Award-winning actress Kerry Washington is opening up about how she previously contemplated suicide as she suffered an eating disorder battle. She revealed that she used weed, alcohol, and sex to cope and escape, further noting, “I was so high-functioning.”
In a teaser clip posted on Thursday (September 21) to Good Morning America’s account on X, formerly Twitter, the outlet captioned the video, “Kerry Washington opens up to Robin Roberts about how she says her relationship with food and her body once became a toxic cycle of self-abuse: ‘I could not control it.'”
Ahead of the release of her upcoming memoir, ‘Kerry Washington: Thicker Than Water,’ Washington and Roberts reflect on all of the ‘Scandal‘ actress’ ups and downs in her life. Speaking with Roberts, Washington begins, “I’ve never wanted to share my private life for the sake of fame or for the sake of attention. But I feel like this sharing is with purpose.”
In the 46-year-old’s upcoming memoir, she opens up about her time in college, where she secretly suffered from an eating disorder. Her battle led her to starvation, binge eating, an obsession with her body, and compulsive exercise.
Washington recalls being able to successfully mask and hide her eating disorder, claiming she was “so high-functioning,” that she could still show up for everything, balancing all of the partying and studying, needed to pass her classes and get good grades.
The now-mother-of-two admits she was even using weed, alcohol and sex to escape. She says, “I was good at performing perfectly. I was good at control. I could party all night and drink and smoke and have sex, and still show up the next day and have good grades.”
She added, “I knew how to manage. I was so high-functioning and the food took me out. Like, the body dysmorphia, the body hatred, it was beyond my control. And really led me to feeling like I need help from somebody or something bigger than me or I am in trouble. Because I don’t know how to live with this and I could feel how the abuse was a way to hurt myself as if I didn’t want to really be here and it scared me that I could not want to be here because I was in so much pain.”
When Roberts asked Washington if she ever contemplated suicide, she replied, “Yeah, yeah the behavior was tiny little acts of trying to destroy myself.” She said after contemplating suicide and having her eating disorder worsen, she had to turn to prayer. She said, “The first thing that put me on my knees, the first time that I actually got on my knees and prayed to some power greater than myself to say, ‘I can’t do this, I need some help,’ was with my eating disorder.”
Speaking on her relationship with food today, Washington explained, “I wouldn’t say that I never act out with food. It’s just very different now. It’s not to the extreme. There is no suicidal ideation, that’s not where I am anymore. The bottom has gotten a lot higher, where just like a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know this is a way to check myself. But it definitely looks a lot healthier, it’s a lot easier, it’s a lot saner than it used to be.”
On Sunday (September 24), Washington’s interview with Roberts will air in full on ABC at 10 p.m. Washington’s memoir is due out everywhere books are sold on September 26.
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