Former ‘Project Runway’ judge Tim Gunn is opening up about his celibacy and explaining the heartbreaking reason as to why he’s remained celibate for 43 years.
While appearing on the February 18 episode of Chelsea Handler’s ‘Dear Chelsea’ podcast, Gunn admitted he hasn’t had intercourse in 43 years. He began to explain the real reason why he’s chosen not to engage in sex. He revealed it was over a heartbreak and around the time of the AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome) epidemic.
Gunn said, “I’ve been in New York for 42 years. 43 years.” Handler said, “Wow, So this was a choice that you made?” Gunn confirmed, “Yes.” He continued to explain:
“I had a very serious 9-year relationship in Washington, D.C. — and I loved this person deeply and would have done anything for him. And I still remember the night that it all ended. We were in bed watching ‘M*A*S*H,’ It was a first run, and he said to me, ‘I have no patience for you any longer. I want you to leave.’ I had my own apartment, but I had been living with him for years, and I left. I drove to my apartment on Rock Creek Parkway, and I had to pull off because I was hyperventilating. I was beside myself with self-flagellation and self-pity, and it was awful.
And this is someone I worked with, so it wasn’t as though I just would never see him again. And one of the things that he told me that night was that he’d been sleeping with just about everything that walked by, and I had been loyal and faithful to him. He was the only person I’d ever been with. And this is the advent of AIDS. It’s 1982. So, the self-pity then turned to completely unbridled anger, because I thought he may have given me a death sentence. And I was tested every 6 months for 10 years for HIV [Human Immunodeficiency Virus], and thankfully I had a clean slate.
But whenever I was even tempted to engage in something that could become serious with someone, all this would come back like Niagara Falls, and it would just take the desire away. And I have to say, being celibate and being someone who lives alone was a bit of an adjustment. But now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. And COVID, and the pandemic, and our sequestering brought this all back for me because we had to stay home, and I’m probably one of the few people who really loved it.”
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Handler replied, “I’m so sorry to hear about that relationship and what a horrible ending to a relationship.” Gunn responded:
“I’ll invoke a phrase that I use all the time, and my mother absolutely hated the phrase: ‘Things happen for a reason, and sometimes the reason isn’t revealed at the moment. It may not be revealed for days, weeks, or months, or sometimes even years.’
But, had this relationship not fallen apart, I would never have moved to New York. It would never have happened. In 1982, when this relationship was still ongoing, I had been offered a teaching position at Parsons [School of Design], here in New York, and I said, ‘No.’ I said, ‘I’m very happy. I have no desire to leave D.C.’ But a year later, when after my life had changed, Parsons called again, and I said, ‘I’ll be right up,’ and two weeks later I was living here.”
Handler then asked, “So like, how long do you think it took you to get over that relationship? To really truly be grateful to be in your own company, to that point?” Gunn replied:
“Well, to be honest, upon reflection, I would say it was the end of those 10 years of being tested for HIV. I thought, ‘Okay, I have a clean slate. I’m good.’ But, every 6 months I would have this bout of anxiety about, ‘What if?’ It took a while. You know, I occasionally relive it in my head, but it doesn’t hurt any longer.”
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