Former NBA Star Ben Gordon Was Obsessed With Killing Himself
Former NBA baller Ben Gordon is opening up about his struggles with mental illness, including depression, anxiety and his heavily-researched attempt at suicide.
The former Chicago Bulls player (2004-09), penned a piece for The Players’ Tribune, entitled, ‘Where Is My Mind?‘ In it, he admits, “I was obsessed with killing myself. It’s all I researched, all I thought about. One night my panic attacks got so bad that all I could think about was escape.”
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Gordon says his mental illness was present throughout his 11-season career, and worsened after he retired. He adds, “My whole career, I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. But now that I don’t have basketball anymore, the wolf is coming out. Now I don’t care about cutting my hair anymore. I don’t care about shaving. Now I don’t care about anything except the thoughts inside my head.”
Since surviving his attempt and run-ins with the law, Gordon was ordered to therapy, admitting his session helped him cope. He shares, “The goal doesn’t have to be perfection. It can just be peace and acceptance with yourself.”
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Mental illness touches everybody. Every community, every person. Either you or somebody you love is going to be touched by it at some point. It’s not like I woke up one morning and I was this quiet, humble NBA dude that nobody thought twice about, and the next morning I woke up and I was bugging … out in the lobby of the Waldorf Astoria.”